I Usually Start With The Words. The

I've Been Taught Ever Since I Was A Kid That Sex Is Filthy And Forbidden, And That's The Way I Think It Should Be. The Filthier And More Forbidden It Is, The More Exciting It Is.

You Want Me To Admit I'm A Four-foot, Six-inch Freckle-faced Person Of Jewish Extraction? I Admit It. All But The Extraction. But Being Short Never Bothered Me For Three Seconds. The Rest Of The Time I Wanted To Commit Suicide.

Do You Have A Dollar On You? I Hate To Answer Questions For Nothing.

The Audience. They See The Name Mel Brooks, They Want Something Really Funny. They Don't Want To Be Moved; They Don't Want To Be Taught Any Lessons. [...] I Get More Letters For twelve Chairs and life Stinks Than I Get From Any Other Movies, Because People Actually Agree With The Philosophy, Or Were Moved, Or They Love The Movie.

Let's Have A Merry Journey, And Shout About How Light Is Good And Dark Is Not. What We Should Do Is Not Future Ourselves So Much. We Should Now Ourselves. "now Thyself" Is More Important Than "know Thyself." Reason Is What Tells Us To Ignore The Present And Live In The Future. So All We Do Is Make Plans. We Think That Somewhere There Are Going To Be Green Pastures. It's Crazy. Heaven Is Nothing But A Grand, Monumental Instance Of Future. Listen, Now Is Good. Now Is Wonderful.