I've Always Wanted To Have A Greek

You Know How Some People Have Gay-dar? I Have Fat-dar. I Can Automatically Tell If You're Fat Or Not. And I Also Have Cerebral-palsy-dar.

I'll Never Forget My Grandmother's Last Words. She Said 'what Are You Doing?'

You Know You Have A Drinking Problem When The Bartender Knows Your Name -- And You've Never Been To That Bar Before.

At What Age Do You Think It's Appropriate To Tell A Highway It's Adopted?

I Live In Los Angeles And I Had Been Drinking One Night, So I Was On The Walk Of Fame And I Saw Tony Danza's Star And I Started Urinating On It. Just Yelling Out, 'who's The Boss Now?'