I've Got A New Invention. It's A

I Want To Thank All My Teammates Who Scored So Many Runs And Joe Dimaggio, Who Ran Down So Many Of My Mistakes.

I'm Something Like The Old Soak Who Never Knew Whether His Wife Told Him To Take One Drink And Come Home At 12, Or Take 12 And Come Home At One.

The Secret Of My Success Was Clean Living And A Fast Outfield.

When Neil Armstrong First Set Foot On The Moon, He And All The Space Scientists Were Puzzled By An Unidentifiable White Object. I Knew Immediately What It Was. That Was A Home Run Ball Hit Off Me In 1933 By Jimmie Foxx.

He (jimmie Foxx) Has Muscles In His Hair.