I've Had Great Success Being A Total

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

I Have Some Very Personal Feelings About Politics, But I Don't Get Into It Because I Do Comedy Already.

Don't You Understand How Dramatic It Is To Be A Comic? To Be A Fool, To Get People To Laugh At This Show-off? Milton Berle Could Take Laurence Olivier And Stick Him Under The Table If He Wanted To. And So Could I.

When I Was A Kid, I Said To My Father One Afternoon, 'daddy, Will You Take Me To The Zoo?' He Answered, 'if The Zoo Wants You, Let Them Come And Get You.

The Day You're Born, You Get The Pink Slip On You. Outright Ownership. You Must Only Share That Life With Those That You And Only You Choose.