I've Never Eaten A Hot Pocket And

I've Never Tried Fatback. Probably 'cause It's Called Fatback. I Don't Know Which Word Creeps Me Out More: Fat Or Back. Why Don't They Just Throw In "hairy" While They're At It? "this Is Some Delicious Hairy Fatback."

Life Is A Little Easier For Attractive People. Think About It: If A Stranger Smiles At You And They’re Attractive, You Think, ‘oh, They’re Nice,’ But If A Stranger’s Ugly, You’re Like, ‘what Do They Want? Get Away From Me, Weirdo.

The Reason I Say I'm A Horrible Person Is I Don't Want Myself To Be Presented As Somebody Who's A Great Catholic.

I Think Growing Up In Indiana Prepares Anyone For A Life In Comedy. I Do Feel Like There Is A Certain Kind Of Self-effacing Cynicism Among All Hoosiers.

If Someone Picks Up One Thing You've Written, You Want Them To Go, 'wow, This Is Pretty Good.'