I Was An Angst-y Journal Writing Kid.

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

I Almost Feel Like I'm Unoffendable Now. I Can Roll With Whatever.

That Woman Was Sexy. . . . Out Of Your League? Son, Let Women Figure Out Why They Won't Screw You. Don't Do It For Them.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

You Say You’re Sick, Huh? Well, It Looks Like You’ve Come Down With A Case Of Bullshit.