I Was Going To Go To Church,

And The Closest I've Come To An Out-of-body Experience Was When Joe Morelli Took His Mouth To Me Fourteen Years Ago, Behind The Eclair Case.

My Father Was In The Kitchen Putting A New Washer In The Kitchen Faucet. He Looked Relieved To See Morelli Standing In The Hallway. He'd Probably Prefer I Bring Home Someone Useful, Like A Butcher Or A Car Mechanic, But I Guess Cops Are A Step Up From Undertakers.

I Knew There Were No Such Things As Death Cooties. Unfortunately, That's An Intellectual Fact. And Death Cooties Are An Emotional Reality.

That Might Work," I Said. "i'm Good At Faking It." This Led To A Couple Moments Of Uncomfortable Silence From Both Of Us. "you Didn't Mean... ?" Morelli Asked. "no. Of Course Not." "never?" "maybe Once." His Eyes Narrowed. "once?" "it's All That Comes To Mind. It Was The Time We Were Late For Your Uncle Spud's Birthday Party." "i Remember That. That Was Great. You're Telling Me You Faked It?" "we Were Late! I Couldn't Concentrate. It Seemed Like The Best Way To Go.

You Never Want To Look In A Mirror," Lula Said. "men Love Mirrors. They Look At Themselves Doing The Deed And They See Rex The Wonder Horse. Women Look At Themselves And Think They Need To Renew Their Membership At The Gym.