I Was In A Bar The Other

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

New York's Such A Wonderful City. Although I Was At The Library Today. The Guy Was Very Rude. I Said, "i'd Like A Card." He Says, "you Have To Prove You're A Citizen Of New York." So I Stabbed Him.

I Think Of People As Members Of An Audience. But An Audience Acts Independently Of Every Individual. It's An Organism On Its Own. I Focus On That Living Hydra In The Dark.

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

Computers Aren't Intelligent, They Only Think They Are.