I Was The Angriest Daughter On Earth,

I Thought Such Awful Thoughts That I Cannot Even Say Them Out Loud Because They Would Make Jesus Want To Drink Gin Straight Out Of The Cat Dish.

Rule 1: When All Else Fails, Follow Instructions. And Rule 2: Don't Be An Asshole.

I Devoured Books Like A Person Taking Vitamins, Afraid That Otherwise I Would Remain This Gelatinous Narcissist, With No Possibility Of Ever Becoming Thoughtful, Of Ever Being Taken Seriously.

The Reason I Never Give Up Hope Is Because Everything Is So Basically Hopeless.

I Accidentally Forgot To Graduate From College.