I Went To A Cigar Store, The

I Hate Dreaming Because When You Want To Sleep, You Want To Sleep. Dreaming Is Work. Next Thing You Know, I Have To Build A Go-cart With My Ex-landlord.

You Should Never Tell Someone They Have A Nice Dimple, Because Maybe They Were Shot In The Face With A Bb Gun.

If You're A Fish And You Want To Be A Fish-stick, You Have To Have Very Good Posture.

Once I Saw A Duck Walking Down The Street So I Went Into Subway And Ordered Two Pieces Of Bread, And They Informed Me That They Could Not Do That, Like There Was Some Speical Rule At Subway That Two Pieces Of Bread Weren't Allowed To Touch. So The Woman Asked Me What I Wanted On The Sandwich And I Said I Do Not Care, It Is For A Duck, And She Was Like Oh Then It's Free. I Was Not Aware That Ducks Eat For Free At Subway. It's Like Give Me A Chicken Fajita Sub, But Don't Worry About Ringing It Up, It Is For A Duck.

My Apartment Is Infested With Koala Bears. It's The Cutest Infestation Ever. Way Better Than Cockroaches. When I Turn On The Light A Bunch Of Koala Bears Scatter. But I Don't Want 'em To, You Know, I'm Like "hey, Hold On, Fellas. Let Me Hold One Of You. And Feed You A Leaf."