I Wish I Had Played Team Sports.

I Know A Lot About A Few Things - Mostly Useless Things.

The Most Important Thing Is To Write Material That You Think Is Funny. If You Don't Think It's Funny, But You're Convinced That Other People Will Think It Is, Well They Won't.

I Have A Keurig Coffee Maker, Which Is Really Kind Of A Luxury. It Was Given To Me By An Ex. I Realized When I'm Feeling Sentimental, I'll Gently, Tenderly Press The Button. Then When I Remember He Dumped Me, I Punch It.

As The Great Philosopher George Santayana Would Have Said, 'those Who Cannot Remember The Past . . . Should Simply Read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe And Tyler Too.' Van Meter's Greatest Hits Collection Of Slogans Is The Catchiest Ever Retelling Of American History. It's Like The Greatest Minds Of Madison Avenue Sat Down To Write A History Book. They Don't Make Sound Bites Like They Used To!

Digital Television, Satellite Radio, Videogames, Ipods - So Much Media. Do Books Even Matter Anymore?