I Won't Take No For A Question.

You Have To Realize, When You're A Comedian, That You Have To Have A Thick Skin. And Trust Me, Being Onstage In Front Of People Is Already Difficult Enough. Somebody's Personal Attack In An Email Is Not As Hard As Getting Onstage.

I'm A Deep Thinker When It Comes To Shallow No Brainers.

Listening To Evanescence Makes Me Want To Break Up With A Girl In Real Time As A Giant Antique Hourglass Falls To The Floor In Slow Motion.

I Don't Know If I Could Rebuild An Airplane Engine, But I Know A Little Bit About Rotors And Rivets.

I Had One Job That Was Kind Of Cop-like. One Summer I Did Security At A Miniature Golf Course. Just Standing Out In The Sun All Day, Hey, Hey, Excuse Me Sir. Get Your Putter Out Of The Whale's Ass. Come On, This Is A Place Of Miniature Business. This Is Not A Playground Even Though It Looks Like A Playground.