I Would Love To Have Acidy Spit.

I Think Beating Someone To Death With A Ukulele Would Just Sound Funny.

Sometimes Sex Is Just A Way To Escape Having To Talk To That Person.

When I'm Wrong I'm Like The Emperor On The Death Star Thinking He'll Turn Luke. Yet, When I'm Right I'm A Jedi Like My Father Before Me.

When You Hand Someone A Camera, Why Do They Act Like You Just Asked Them To Dissemble A Bomb? They Take It And They're Like, 'what Do I Do ... I Don't Really ... Ha-huh ...' Yeah, It's The Button On The Top Right Where It Always Is Since The Beginning Of #*@! Time!

Here's How You Know That You're Really Drunk: When You Get Into A Taxi Cab And You Think The Fare Is The Time.