I Would Never Hit A Woman -

I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid Someday. But, Obviously, I'd Prefer It To Be Aborted.

It Seemed Fun To Play A Villain On Stage And I Wanted My Jokes To Be So Good That I Could Just Calmly Tell Them On Stage.

2010 Has Been Awesome. I Got To Write On The David Hasselhoff Roast This Summer, And That's Always Been A Dream.

In The Second Grade, I Would Just Get Bored And A Joke Would Pop Into My Head And I Would Have To Say It. It Was Almost Like I Had Some Brilliant Novel In My Head That I Had To Get Down, And I Would Interrupt Class All The Time And Get In Trouble.

I Had A Happy Childhood In A Nice Suburban Area, Pretty Idyllic, Upper Middle Class And Very, Very White. My Dad Is An Attorney. My Mother Is A Housewife. They Had Five Kids In Seven Years: Me, My Brother, And Three Sisters. I'm The Oldest. We Were All Very Active. My Mother Was Exhausted.