I Wouldn't Say I'm Vain - I'm

When I Was A Kid It Was Big News When Someone Flew Around The World In A Little Aeroplane, But Nobody Cared When I Did It. Then, To Rub Salt Into My Wounds, The Customs People Ripped My Aeroplane To Pieces, Looking For Stuff.

I Have A Condition Called Aspergers Syndrome, Which Is Like A Mild Form Of Autism It Means I Don't Interact Properly In Certain Social Situations.

I'll Be The In To Your Sane.

I Was A Loner As A Child And Happiest At Home, Launching Toy Rockets And Aeroplanes. When I Started Causing Trouble In My Third Year At Grammar School, Mum Was Really Surprised. My Parents Sent Me To A Child Psychologist, Who Suggested I Might Have Asperger's Syndrome.

I Want Them To Play Britney Spears At My Funeral. This Way I Won't Feel So Bad About Being Dead, And Everyone There Will Know There Is Something Worse Than Death.