If God Wanted Us To Bend Over

My Earliest Childhood Memory Was Watching My Parents Loosen The Wheels On My Stroller.

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

My Grandson Is Mad At Me. He's Mad At Me Because I Squandered His College Fund On Spanx. It's A Lot, But There's A Lot Going On Here.

Life Goes By Fast. Enjoy It...everyone Gets So Upset About The Wrong Things.

I'm So Fat And I'm So Depressed; Last Night I Tried To Hang Myself - But The Rope Broke.