If I Can Muster Up Any Allure

People Who Are Good At Stand-up, They Sort Of Seem To Have To Do It. Something Within Them Makes Them Have To Go On The Road.

Why Wear White? It's Like, Forget About Dropping Something On It. I Don't Understand How Anybody Wears White.

I Don't Want To Hear About The Endless Struggles To Keep Sex Exciting, Or The Work It Takes To Plan A Date Night. I Want To Hear That You Guys Watch Every Episode Of The Bachelorette Together In Secret Shame, Or That One Got The Other Hooked On Breaking Bad And If Either Watches It Without The Other, They're Dead Meat. I Want To See You Guys High-five Each Other Like Teammates On A Recreational Softball Team You Both Do For Fun.

Later, When You're Grown Up, You Realize You Never Really Get To Hang Out With Your Family. You Pretty Much Have Only Eighteen Years To Spend With Them Full Time, And That's It.

Haley And I Would Talk For Hours About Which Member Of 'n Sync We'd Want To Marry. After Long Deliberation, The Answer Was Always J. C. Chasez. Joey Fatone's Last Name Was Going To Be “fat One” No Matter How Great He Was, And Even Though They Didn't Know At Their Age That Lance Bass Was Gay Outright, They Sensed He'd Make A Better Good Friend And Confidante. As For Justin Timberlake, Well, Jt Was The Coolest And Hottest, But Too Flashy, So We Couldn't Trust Him To Be Faithful. J. C. Chasez Was The Smart Compromise.