If I Had To Pick One Artist

It Feels Like Every Day Or Two, People On Twitter And The Internet Are Outraged About Something.

When You Have A Fat Friend There Are No See-saws, Only Catapults.

If I Have To Move Up In A Building, I Choose The Elevator Over The Escalator. Because One Time I Was Riding The Escalator And I Tripped. I Fell Down The Stairs For An Hour And A Half.

People And Squirrels Are Very Different. Most People Will Not Argue That. But I Find That There Is One Situation In Which They're Very Similar. And That Is: When I Am Driving Towards Them In My Car. Then They're Kind Of Hard To Tell Apart - Especially If The Human Is Kind Of Hairy.

Whenever I Try To Spell 'banana,' I Feel Stupid Because I Don't Know When To End It.