If I Hadn't Done This I Might

I Have No Qualifications To Do Anything Else And There Weren't Any Formal Application Forms You Had To Fill In For Stand-up, So I Thought I'd Give That A Twist.

I Do Pauses, Pauses Work For Me

You're Supposed To Eat The Cows. They're Great Big Lumbering Stupid Things - They'd Be Everywhere If We Didn't Eat Them.

Lots Of Comics Try Stuff Out All Year Round, Which Is Very Sensible - I Don't.

Go And Lie Down In The Dark... For Hours... And Don't Move. I'm Locking The Door Now