If It Makes You Feel Any Better

The Eleventh Commandment: Don't Speak Ill Of A Fellow Republican. What If The Fellow Republican Is Doing Something That Hurts America? Isn't It The Patriot Who Sides With America Before He Sides With The Republicans?

Sometimes I'm Dragging My Ass Out To The Airport At 8 A.m. On A Saturday And I'm Wondering Why I'm Doing This, But Once I Walk On Stage I Know Why...because I'm Addicted.

I Just Don't See Why Anybody Would Vote Republican In The Army. If You Want To Support The Troops, If I Was A Troop, I Would Say, 'you Know How To Support Me? Don't Send Me To Stupid Wars.'

Clint Eastwood's Speech Was Kind Of A Metaphor For The Entire Republican Party: A Confused Old Person Yelling At Something That Doesn't Exist.

I Was Just At The Newly Opened Creationist Museum In Kentucky.... And They Have This Exhibit Of A Giant Dinosaur...with A Saddle On Its Back. Because The World Is Only 5000 Years Old, So Man And The Dinosaurs Had To Coexist, And, Of Course, We Rode Them. A Theory I Thought Laughable At The Age Of Eight When I Saw It On The Flintstones!