If It Weren't For My Adam's Apple,

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.

If Your Husband Wants To Lick The Beaters On The Mixer, Shut Them Off Before You Give Them To Him.

My House Used To Be Haunted, But The Ghosts Haven't Been Back Since The Night I Tried On All My Wigs.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.