If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.

Only Lie About The Future.

What's All This Fuss About Plutonium? How Can Something Named After A Disney Character Be Dangerous?

When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

Happiness Is Discovering The Prune Juice Your Doctor Ordered You To Drink Has Fermented.