If Only Opening A Vitamin Water Could

I Lived Across From A Catholic Church For 15 Years That I Never Went Into. And Then I Got Married To My Wife And - You Know, And Now We're Going In There Every Other Day Baptizing A Kid.

There Are A Lot Of Good Looking Men On This Planet. It Seems Like Once A Week Someone Will Tell Me, "i Know Someone Who Looks Like You" And I Don't Know What Say To Them Except, "tell Them Hi."

I Think I Have A Lot Of Voices In My Head And I Guess My Inner Critic Is A Female.

I Like Bowling. It's Just One Of Those Things Where I Can Do So Many Jokes About It Because I Do Know Bowling. Somebody Once Said, "the Whitest Things In The World Are Jim Gaffigan And Bowling."

What Kind Of Life Are You Leading Where You Consider Ketchup Fancy? "well, We Ain't Rich Folk, But On Special Occasions, I'll Break Out The Ketchup. Grandma's Birthday, Make Her Feel Special"