If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

You Call To A Dog And A Dog Will Break Its Neck To Get To You. Dogs Just Want To Please. Call To A Cat And Its Attitude Is, 'what's In It For Me?'

Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Terminal Disease.

The Only Way That I Could Figure They Could Improve Upon Coca-cola, One Of Life's Most Delightful Elixirs, Which Studies Prove Will Heal The Sick And Occasionally Raise The Dead, Is To Put Bourbon In It.

The Idiot Who Invented Instant Grits Also Thought Of Frozen Fried Chicken, And They Ought To Lock Him Up Before He Tries To Freeze-dry Collards.

Kinky Sex Involves The Use Of Duck Feathers. Perverted Sex Involves The Whole Duck.