If Spiderman Was Real, And I Was

I Hate Arrows. They Try To Tell Me Which Direction To Go. It's Like "i Ain't Going That Way, Line With Two Thirds Of A Triangle On The End!"

That Would Be Cool If You Could Eat A Good Food With A Bad Food And The Good Food Would Cover For The Bad Food When It Got To Your Stomach. Like You Could Eat A Carrot With An Onion Ring And They Would Travel Down To Your Stomach, Then They Would Get There, And The Carrot Would Say, It's Cool, He's With Me.

I Thought My Teeth Were White Until I Washed My Face With Noxzema. My Teeth Are Off-white. I'm Not Even White. I'm Off-white. It's A New Race; We Will Prevail!

I Would Imagine The Inside Of A Bottle Of Cleaning Fluid Is Really Clean. I Would Imagine A Vodka Bottle Is Really Drunk.

You Know When A Company Wants To Use Letters In Their Phone Number, But Often They'll Use Too Many Letters? "call 1-800-i-really-enjoy-brand-new-carpeting." Too Many Letters, Man, Must I Dial Them All? "hello? Hold On, Man, I'm Only On 'enjoy.' How Did You Know I Was Calling? You're Good, I Can See Why They Hired You!"