If You Don't Want To Get Old,

It's Not Just The Cheerleading Thing I Have A Problem With, It's The Whole Jock Enchilada. I'm All For A Good Game Of Basketball In Teh Driveway Or A Killer Bike Ride. But When There's Tackling And Grunting Involved-- No Thanks.

'these Boat People,' Says The Government Of Hong Kong, 'they All Want To Go To America.' Well, I Swear I Don't Know Why, Do You? I Mean, Take Vietnam. Why Would Any Vietnamese Come To America After What American Did To Vietnam? Don't They Remember My Lai, Napalm, Sylvester Stallone?

[my Father] Was Generous With His Affection, Given To Great, Awkward, Engulfing Hugs, And I Can Remember So Clearly The Smell Of His Hugs, All Starched Shirt, Tobacco, Old Spice, And Cutty Sark. Sometimes I Think I've Never Been Properly Hugged Since.

Always Remember To Set A Place At The Table Of Life For The Unexpected Guest.

The Best Time To Laugh Is Anytime You Can.