If You Have Been, I'm Glad You've

Because, Let's Face It, I Do Not Get Offered The Parts That Brad Pitt Has Just Turned Down.

My First Meeting With You Only Confirmed What I First Suspected. You Are A Fraud, A Charlatan And A Shyster. My Favourite Kind Of Person, In Fact.

I Get An Urge, Like A Pregnant Elephant, To Go Away And Give Birth To A Book.

No, I Love The Idea That Someone Changes. As An Actor It's Always The Thing That You Look For. He Is Someone Who Starts Off Bright, Cheerful And Confident And Then Has Everything Taken Away From Him. It's A Wonderful Journey To Take.

I Like To Think Of Myself At Home In The Armchair, Writing, Smoking And Occasionally Wandering Down The Shop.