If You Live Far Away From A

If You're 1 Of The 3 Girls In Pics With A Greaseball Whose Arms Are Around You At A Club You Lose At Life. If You're The Greaseball You Win.

I Don't Know If I Could Kill Someone With A Frozen Turkey Because That Is A Lot Of Evidence To Eat .... Unless I Found A Whole Room Of People Who Also Wanted That Person Dead.

Valentine's Day Is A Time To Celebrate The Joy Of Being In Love. Unless You're Single & Lonely Then It's Called Laundry Day.

You Are The Director Of Your Own Life Story. Don't Cast Idiots Or People Will Walk Out During Your 2nd Act.

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.