If You Properly Clean A Room, It

Are They Real Fires? Or Are People Just Reacting To Something? Just Because There’s An Alarm Going Doesn’t Mean It’s A Fire. And I Think That People Are Confusing The Two. It’s Only A Fire When It Offends The Fans, And The Fans Turn On You. Tosh Has Fans, And They Get The Joke. If You’ve Watched Enough Tracy Morgan, You Let The Worst Thing Go By. When Did Tracy Morgan Become Walter Cronkite? You Have To Mean Something To Me To Offend Me. You Can’t Break Up With Me If We Don’t Date.

I Live In A Neighborhood So Bad That You Can Get Shot While Getting Shot.

Guys Play Characters That Won't Grow Up And Something Catastrophic Happens And They Have To Grow Up To Save The Day - That's Pretty Much What Today's Comedy Is About.

A Man Is Only As Faithful As His Options.

I Think All The Funny People Were Bullied. When They Talk About Outlawing Bullying, It's Like, What? You Want No Comedy Central?