If You Want To Have A Good

If You're Conservative In Hollywood, You're On A List Of People Who Need To Be Put In Their Place.

When I'm In Power, Here's How I'm Gonna Put The Country Back On Its Feet. I'm Going To Put Sterilizing Agents In The Following Products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, And Thick-crust Pizza. Only The 'tardiest Of The 'tards Like The Thick Crust.

When You Have Kids, You Instantly Feel That You Do Not Want To Do Them Wrong. Those Dads That Go Off To Florida And Start A New Life, I Couldn’t Imagine That: Seeing My Kid Once Every Christmas, Every Three Years. If I’m Gone For Six Days It Feels Like Too Much.

Having Sex Without A Condom Is Like Riding A Roller Coaster With Diarrhea. You Can't Just Throw Your Hands Up And Enjoy It.

The Reason Why You Know More Funny Dudes Than Funny Chicks Is That Dudes Are Funnier Than Chicks.