If You Watch That Show And You

Happiness Is Less Regulated By External Circumstances Than Inward Enjoyment. Whoever Is Happy In The Satisfaction Of Himself Feels Imperturbable Felicity; But He, Who Trusts Entirely To The World For The Disposition Of His Peace, Must Inevitably Participate [in] Many Privations And Disappointments.

Scientists Believe They May Have Discovered A Primitive Form Of Life On Jupiter's Moon Europa. That Primitive Form Of Life? You Guessed It, Frank Stallone.

This Is A Thing I Read By A Scientist... It Said Scientists Now Say That A Man Thinks About Sex Once Every 7.3 Seconds. Now, I Know What I Think Every 7.3 Seconds. It's Just A Bunch Of Meaningless Gibberish.

I've Shown People Richard Pryor Who've Never Seen Him, And Most Of Them Don't Like Him.

During Misfortunes, Nothing Aggravates Our Condition More, Than To Be Esteemed Deserving Of Them.