Im Just Not Really Attracted To Black

For Me, Acting In Scenes With Other People Is Like Playing Soccer With A Bunch Of Legless Five Year Olds. It's Not Really Fair To Them, But What Else Can I Do, You Know?

Once Both Gay Marriage And Marijuana Are Finally Legal, Those Of You Against Them Are Not Invited To The Really Fun Parties I'm Gonna Throw.

I Think A Big Part Of Being A Success Is Confidence. Just Look At Me, I Know I'm Successful, And I Am.

I Had A Dream Once. I Wanted To Do A Line Of Cocaine Off A Hooker's Ass. That's When I Realized, 'hey, I'm Freakin' Zach Braff.' I Did It The Next Morning.

Michael Eisner Contacted Me Once And Asked Me If He Could Change The Name Of Disneyland To 'braffland.' I Said No, Because Whenever I Go To Disneyland There's Always Fat People Everywhere Wearing Tight Clothes. Disneyland, Frankly, Has A Lot Of Improving To Do Before It Gets My Namesake.