In Fact, I Don't Watch A Lot

In 1987, I Was In Edinburgh Doing My First One-man Show. I Took Part In A Kickabout With Some Fellow Comedians And Tripped Over My Trousers And Heard This Cracking Sound In My Leg. A Couple Of Days Later I Went Into A Coma And Was Diagnosed With A Pulmonary Embolism.

My Favourite Riposte To A Heckle Is To Say, 'excuse Me, I'm Trying To Work Here. How Would You Like It If I Stood Yelling Down The Alley While You're Giving Blow Jobs To Transsexuals?'

It Seems Like A Contradiction, But The Shy Person Who Is A Performer Actually Does Make Sense, Because In A Way, When You're Young And Shy, Making People Laugh Is A Good Way To Make Friends. It's An Instant Connection.

I Looked At Longevity In Show Business When I Was About 13, And The People Who Seemed To Have Longevity Were The Ones Who'd Spent Quite A Bit Of Time Learning About What They Were Doing Before They Made It.

When I Wake Up On A Monday Morning And I Realise I Don't Have To Go And Work At The Civil Service, I Really Think I've Won.