In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner

Martha Stewart Was Found Guilty On All Charges. You Know What That Means, Stripes Are In This Year.

General Wesley Clark Commented On Gore Endorsing Howard Dean. He Said Endorsements Don't Win Elections. Hey, In This Country, Votes Don't Even Win Elections.

When Rick Perry Was Told About Kim Jong Il, He Said, 'i Never Heard Of Him, But Then Again, I Don't Listen To That Rap.'

You Could Do Anything In Your Room At College. You Could Smoke Pot, Live In A Coed Dorm, Have A Girl. But You Couldn't Have A . . . Hot Plate!

If You Restore A Car, And You're Making Money, Then You're Doing It Wrong.