In My Headphones, I Led A Life

When I Was A Junior, My School Introduced Badminton, Which Was Clearly A P.e. Department Ploy To Get Me Away From The Wrestling Room, And It Worked, Since The First Time I Played Badminton Was Like The First Time I Tasted Sushi Or Heard The Beatles Or Read Wordsworth. This Was A Sport? This Counted For Gym Requirements?

In The Old Days, When A Star Left A Still-thriving Hit Show, They'd Celebrate By Killing Him Or Her Off. But 'the Office' Dispatched Michael Scott In A Crueler And More Final Way: They Made Him Normal. Since We're Talking About Michael Scott, 'normal' Might Be Stretching It, Obviously.

At An Incredibly Divisive Point In Pop History, Donna Summer Managed To Create An Undeniable Across-the-board Experience Of Mass Pleasure - After 'bad Girls,' Nobody Ever Tried Claiming Disco Sucked Again. It Set The Template For What Michael Jackson Would Do A Few Months Later With 'off The Wall.'

It Was R.e.m. Who Showed Other Eighties Bands How To Get Away With Ignoring The Rules - They Lived In Some Weird Town Nobody Never Heard Of, They Didn't Play Power Chords, They Probably Couldn't Even Spell 'spandex.' All They Had Was Songs.

But Mtv Relishes Its Vestigial Role As A Star Maker, So Every Year It Puts All Its Clout Into Making The Vmas The Biggest, Splashiest, Loudest Show-biz Extravaganza Of The Year, Honoring All This Music For Existing, After A Year Of Paying Barely Any Attention To It.