In Rome, The Emperor Sat In A

What I Became A Comedian For Was To Get My Art Out. To Get Some Of These Feelings And Things I Had On My Chest Out. I Don't Care If People Believe Them, Listen To Them, Change Their Ways, Or Think, Or Any Of That Kind Of Crap. I'm Interested In Showing Off. I'm The Same Kid From Sixth Grade Who Stood Up And Said "watch This."

If At First You Don't Succeed, Redefine Success.

My First Rule: I Don't Believe Anything The Government Tells Me.

Every Day I Beat My Own Previous Record For The Number Of Consecutive Days I’ve Stayed Alive.

In Football The Object Is For The Quarterback, Also Known As The Field General, To Be On Target With His Aerial Assault, Riddling The Defense By Hitting His Receivers With Deadly Accuracy In Spite Of The Blitz, Even If He Has To Use The Shotgun. With Short Bullet Passes And Long Bombs, He Marches His Troops Into Enemy Territory, Balancing This Aerial Assault With A Sustained Ground Attack That Punches Holes In The Forward Wall Of The Enemy's Defensive Line. In Baseball The Object Is To Go Home! And To Be Safe! I Hope I'll Be Safe At Home!