It Looks Like President Obama Has A

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Pardoned A Turkey, Though She Said She Was Amazed To Find Out That, Besides Being A Bird, Turkey Is Also A Country. Did You See That All Over The Internet Today? While Sarah Palin Was Pardoning A Turkey, Right Behind Her Was A Guy Slaughtering Turkeys. But, See, Like Most Internet Stories, A Little Half-true. Turns Out That, After A Couple Of Minutes Listening To Sarah Palin's Voice, The Turkeys Said 'kill Us Now.'

More Bad News For The Taliban. Remember How They Are Promised 72 Virgins When They Die? Turns Out That It's Only One 72-year-old Virgin.

The First Case Of Mad Cow Disease Since 2006 Was Discovered Right Here In The United States. The Good News, Since The Cow Is In California, Instead Of Putting The Cow Down, They Are Going To Enroll Him In Anger Management Classes.

President Bush Announced Tonight That He Believes In Democracy And That Democracy Can Exist In Iraq. They Can Have A Strong Economy, They Can Have A Good Health Care Plan, And They Can Have A Free And Fair Voting. Iraq? We Can't Even Get This In Florida.

Supporters Of Osama Bin Laden Want To Rename The Arabian Sea After Bin Laden's Death. They Want To Call It "martyr's Sea." Please, Hiding In Your Bedroom For Six Years With The Blinds Closed? How About "chicken Of The Sea?