It's Cold Out. It's Even Cold In

This Is My Favorite Story Of The Week. The Republican National Committee Is In Trouble After Spending Nearly $2,000 At A Bondage Club In Hollywood. You Know What I Call A Republican Who Spends A Lot Of Money In A Strip Club? A Democrat.

Women Get A Little More Excited About New Year's Eve Than Men Do. It's Like An Excuse: You Drink Too Much, You Make A Lot Of Promises You're Not Going To Keep; The Next Morning As Soon As You Wake Up You Start Breaking Them. For Men, We Just Call That A Date.

I Don't Mean To Harp On This, But It's Like The Networks Are A How-to Manual For Terrorists. You See Them On The News. This Reporter Is Standing Outside A Water Treatment Plant, Going, 'if They Poured The Poison Here It Could Wipe Out Thousands Because The Guard Is Off Duty From Noon Until 1 Every Day!'

Yesterday In New York City, Donald Trump Officially Changed His Political Affiliation From Republican To Independent. And Donald's Hair Has Switched From Pelt To Carpet Sample.

A Newsweek Poll Said If The Election Were Held Today, John Kerry Would Beat Bush 49 Percent To 46 Percent. And Today, President Bush Called Newsweek Magazine A Threat To World Peace.