It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone

When You Hand Someone A Camera, Why Do They Act Like You Just Asked Them To Dissemble A Bomb? They Take It And They're Like, 'what Do I Do ... I Don't Really ... Ha-huh ...' Yeah, It's The Button On The Top Right Where It Always Is Since The Beginning Of #*@! Time!

I Love Hecklers. They Remind You That You Are A Comedian.

I Can't Watch A Woman Play With Herself - To Me, It Looks Like A Dj Working The Turntables... Dj Diddles.

When I Have A Really Hot Date At A Show, I Definitely Make It A Point To Use Her Name. The Girls Really Love That.

I'm Really Great In Other Peoples Relationships.