It's Just A Matter Of Time Before

It Seems The Journal Of Neurology Reports That The Longer You Smoke, The Less Likely You Are To Develop Parkinson's Disease. So What Are They Telling Us? Follow Me Guys. Remember, A Couple Of Months Ago, Doctors Said Drinking A Glass Of Alcohol Every Day Was Good For Your Heart. Smoking Prevents Parkinson's Disease. Marijuana Is Good For Glaucoma. Sex Is Good For Your Prostate. You Know, Screw Health Care. Let's Party!

A New Poll Shows Only 3 Percent Strongly Approve Of The Job Congress Is Doing, With A Margin Of Error Of 4 Percent, So It's Possible That "less Than No One" Thinks They're Doing A Good Job.

The Environmental Protection Agency Is Conducting A Seven-hundred-thousand-dollar Study To See If Alaskan Trees Are Polluting Oregon Forests. You Can Tell Republicans Are In Power. Pollution? It's Those Damn Trees.

According To The New York Times, More Than Half Of President Obama's Twitter Followers Are Fake. They Don't Even Exist. Which Is Actually A Good Thing Because If They Did Exist There Wouldn't Be Any Jobs For Them.

Obama Called On Americans To Have More Grandchildren. Probably So There's More Of Them To Pay Off Our Debt.