It Was So Hot Today That Burger

The Closest Thing To Roseanne Barr's Singing The National Anthem Was My Cat Being Neutered.

People Are Hypocrites. If You Ask Them What They Want To See On Tv, They'll Tell You They Want Better Quality Programming. And Then What Do They Watch? 'gilligan's Island.'

Money Gives Me Just One Big Thing That's Really Important, And That's The Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Money.

The Price Of Christmas Toys Is Outrageous - A Hundred Dollars, Two Hundred Dollars For Video Games For The Youngsters. I Remember A Christmas Years Ago When My Son Was A Kid. I Bought Him A Tank. It Was About A Hundred Dollars, A Lot Of Money In Those Days. It Was The Kind Of Tank You Could Actually Get Inside And Ride In. He Played In The Box It Came In. It Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson. Next Year He Got A Box. And I Got A Hundred Dollars' Worth Of Scotch.

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.