Life Is Generally Something That Happens Elsewhere.

We Have Fish And Chips, Which W. And I Fetch From The Shop In Settle Market-place. Some Local Boys Come In And There Is A Bit Of Chat Between Them And The Fish-fryer About Whether The Kestrel Under The Counter Is For Sale. Only When I Mention It To W. Does He Explain Kestrel Is Now A Lager. I Imagine The Future Is Going To Contain An Increasing Number Of Incidents Like This, Culminating With A Man In A White Coat Saying To One Kindly, "and Now Can You Tell Me The Name Of The Prime Minister?"

The Nearest My Parents Came To Alcohol Was At Holy Communion And They Utterly Overestimated Its Effects. However Bad The Weather, Dad Never Drove To Church Because Mam Thought The Sacrament Might Make Him Incapable On The Return Journey.

I Think The Writer's Quite Low Down In The Hierarchy Really. But The Fact That They Took The Piss Out Of Nicholas [hynter] Who, Besides Being The Director, Is Also Director Of The National Theatre Is, I'd Have Thought, Slightly More Risky.

At The Drabber Moments Of My Life (swilling Some Excrement From The Steps, For Instance, Or Rooting With A Bent Coat-hanger Down A Blocked Sink) Thoughts Occur Like 'i Bet Tom Stoppard Doesn't Have To Do This' Or There Is No Doubt David Hare Would Have Deputed This To An Underling.'

I Lack What The English Call Character, By Which They Mean The Power To Refrain.