Like All Good Ruins, I Look Better

I Remember Once A Vocational Director Said To Fang, "you Must Develop Some Mechanical Skills - Like Getting Out Of Bed."

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

I Should Have Suspected My Husband Was Lazy. On Our Wedding Day, His Mother Told Me: "i'm Not Losing A Son; I'm Gaining A Couch."

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

Oh, That Dog! Ever Hear Of A German Shepherd That Bites Its Nails? Barks With A Lisp? You Say, "attack!" And He Has One. All He Does Is Piddle. He's Nothing But A Fur-covered Kidney That Barks.