Live By Publicity, You'll Probably Die By

How Many More Years Will Our Educators Continue To Lecture Us On The Evils Of Whipping Children Until They Bring Home High Grades? Year After Year We Listen To These Fellows Tell Us That It Is Not The Grade That Counts But The Development Of The Child's Personality. After The Lecture They Go Back To All The Best Schools And Reject Our Children Because They Have C Averages.

Windows 95 Is What Rube Goldberg Would Have Designed If He'd Studied Cartooning At M.i.t.

The Sinister Nature Of The American Soil Is Apparent In Places Like Gettysburg. Fertilize It With The Blood Of Heros, And It Brings Forth A Frozen-custard Stand.

An Educated Person Is One Who Has Learned That Information Almost Always Turns Out To Be At Best Incomplete And Very Often False, Misleading, Fictitious, Mendacious - Just Dead Wrong.

There Was Scarcely A Woman Alive, It Seemed, Who Could Resist The Urge To Haul Men Down Onto Beds, Car Seats, Kitchen Floors, Dining-room Tables, Park Grass, Parlor Sofas, Or Packing Crates, Entwine Warm Thighs Around Them, And Pant In Ecstasy.