Look, I Have Never Made A Secret

And He Said That 47%-that's Pretty High-47% Of Americans Are Basically Welfare Bums Who Are Mooching Off The Government. And Then He Said, 'my Job Is Not To Worry About Those People.' You Know, Where Do People Get This Stuff That Mitt Romney Is A Heartless, Calculating C**ksucker?

Now That They've Finished Reading The Constitution Out Loud, The Teabaggers Must Call Out That Group Of Elitist Liberals Whose Values Are So Antithetical To Theirs. I'm Talking Of Course About The Founding Fathers, Who The Teabaggers Believe Are Just Like Them, But Aren't. One Is A Group Of Exclusively White Men Who Live In A Bygone Century, Have Bad Teeth, And Think Of Blacks As 3/5 Of A Person, And The Other Are The Founding Fathers.

I'm Not A Joiner. I Don't Like Organizations.

Ebola Has Arrived In New York City. And I Say, 'if It Can Make It There...it Can Make It Anywhere!'

I Always Say People Would Rather Be Nice Than Right. I Like To Be Nice Too, But Come On. People Frequently Ask Me, What Is My Definition Of Politically Correct. My Answer Is Always The Same: The Elevation Of Sensitivity Over Truth. People Would Rather Be Nice Than Right, Rather Be Sensitive Than True. Well, Being Nice And Sensitive Are Important, But They're Not More Important Than Being Right; They're Not More Important Than The Truth.