Money Is The Best Lotion In The

I Never Really Write The Jokes. I Just Sit Down Over A Week Or Two And Try To Figure Out What I Want To Talk About. Once I Narrow That Down, Then I Start Working On The Material, Like "how Do I Make This Stuff Funny?"

Nobody Really Wants To Be A Stand-up, They Want To Get On Tv.

I Think All The Funny People Were Bullied. When They Talk About Outlawing Bullying, It's Like, What? You Want No Comedy Central?

You Know, Some People Say Life Is Short And That You Could Get Hit By A Bus At Any Moment And That You Have To Live Each Day Like It's Your Last. Bullshit. Life Is Long. You're Probably Not Gonna Get Hit By A Bus. And You're Gonna Have To Live With The Choices You Make For The Next Fifty Years.

I Know What You're Thinking: Why Is Chris Rock Bagging Groceries? But I Dropped Out Of High School In The Tenth Grade, So If I Couldn't Tell Jokes This Is Exactly What I'd Be Doing.