My Dream Would Be To Be On

German Accents And Hassidic Accents Aren't That Romantic. They're More Harsh. Although Hebrew, When Spoken By Certain People, Sounds Beautiful. There's This Beautiful Woman I Know Who Speaks Hebrew, And When She Speaks, It's So Attractive. Maybe It's Who's Speaking It.

We Got Married Drunk In Vegas . . . We Dated For A Year, And We Got Married At A Drive-through Chapel In A Cab. [we Thought] You Have To Go Down To The Courthouse And Sign Papers And Stuff, So Who Knew? We Were Married, And Apparently Now That [rob] Is Getting Married For Real, His Lawyer Dug Up Something.

I Got Mugged. And They Got My Knapsack With My Comedy Notebook In It. So If Anybody See Two Cholos Bombing At The Funny Bone Chain, That Would Be Them. Just Give Me A Jingle.

I Don't Hate Myself, As A General Rule. I'd Say The Best Way To Describe It Is That I Have Moments Of Self-loathing At Fairly Regular Intervals.

Sage Advice? If You're Drunk, Stay Away From The Phone. You Can't Get The Answering Machine Message Back.