My Favorite Thing About New York Is

I'm Not An Alcoholic, I Only Drink Two Times A Year. When It's My Birthday, And When It's Not My Birthday.

Why Would You Get Up There And Bore People? I Never Have Figured That Out. These People Are Supposedly In The Entertainment Industry, And They Finally Get Up There To That Podium And They Become The Most Boring People In The World.

When You Act Obnoxious Towards People, Like On A Movie Set, They Say "we're Ready For You" And I Say "oh, Go To Hell, My Feet Hurt And My Head Aches." You Want To Have A Margarita For Lunch, And People Like These Little Ads And Production Assistants Are Like, "well, He's Drinking Again."

It's Hard To Be An Artist. It's Hard To Be Anything. It's Hard To Be.

Chicks Dig Me Because I Rarely Wear Underwear, And When I Do, It's Usually Something Unusual.