My Forte Is Awkwardness.

There Was A Long Time Where I Was An "artist" In Quotes, Who Had No Money. But I Guess Back Then I Also Never Had A Girlfriend.

When I Was In High School I Used To Sit By Myself In The Cafeteria - Not Necessarily By Choice - But I Thought It Was Funny To Talk To People That Weren't There.

That's One Of The Great Things About Comedy: We Can - And Should - Say The Things That Other People Aren't Supposed To Say. If We Didn't Do That, If We Didn't Push Against Those Limits, We'd Just Be Standing Around Onstage And Yelling.

I'm Terrible At Heights. I Hate It. I'm Glad I'm Only 5'7".

Hookers Don't Like To Snuggle.