My Kids Don't Have A Trust Fund,

I Have Four Jackets, Five Pants, Whatever, That Are All The Same. If You See U2 In Concert, They Wear The Same Thing Every Night. They Just Got A Bunch Of Them. Albert Einstein Used To Wear Brown Suits Every Day. Why Waste Brainpower On Something That Is Trivial?

I'll Go Back To Comedy Clubs When They Get A Real No-camera Policy, The Same Way They Did With Smoking.

If You Want To Prevent Abortions, You Make Sure Everyone Has Health Care, A High School Education And Birth Control. Not The Exact Opposite.

If A Woman Tells You She's Twenty And Looks Sixteen, She's Twelve. If She Tells You She's Twenty-six And Looks Twenty-six, She's Damn Near Fourty.

Funny Is Only Something That Others Know About You - You Can't Be Funny By Yourself.